experience psychology Uncategorized

Truth I came to know when I set up my matrimonial profile

Women’s day wishes.

Today, I read a blog post written by a friend and fellow blogger, bragadeesh, who spoke about today’s marriage market, especially what’s happening with respect to matrimonial sites, which made me want to write something about what I observed when I set up my profile a couple of months back. (Yeah! You heard it right!)

Until his mid-twenties, a guy struggles his way into the job market, which is cruel, highly-demanding, and constantly changing based on god knows what! Soon after he settles into a job, which he doesn’t know, is insecure compared to how it was twenty years back, he is pushed into the marriage market.

I was no exception. My parents want me to get married, because they didn’t want me to go through what they had to go through when they got married. My dad was almost 40, when he got married. I understand their feelings. But, the marriage market has changed a lot, especially during the past decade. It’s chaos. It difficult for anybody out there, especially for a person who is dark, heavyset, and on his way into going bald. (I’m talking about me.) But, I set up my matrimonial profile for the sake of my parents.

After signing up, I had a chance to go through a couple of profiles. Working women prefer a partner who earns more than them. There’s nothing wrong in that. I girl who is making 3 lakhs per annum is expecting a guy who is making 5-6 lakhs per annum. Makes sense. But, girls who are not working, or not willing to work, is preferring guy who makes 10-20 lakhs per annum (I have come across this in many profiles.) They want to marry a guy who earns their part too. This is insane!!! At least, I feel it that way.

And, in several talk shows I’ve noticed girls wanting a guy to have a car, two or three bedroom apartment, and lots more.
Let’s make a simple calculation. A guy has a small car, which he buys in EMI. Even if he puts an EMI for five years, his monthly expenses for the car would be EMI + Petrol, which would approximately round up to Rs.10,000. If he buys a house, he should pay a minimum interest of 15,000 – 20,000 for the next 10 or fifteen years.

So, let’s analyze this in a much detailed way. (All these are approximations.)
EMI for car – Rs.5000
EMI for house – Rs. 12000
Petrol for car – Rs. 4000
Petrol for bike – Rs. 2000 (office use, etc.)
Groceries – Rs. 3000
Weekly outing (movies) – 4 x 500 – Rs. 2000
Dinner and other expenses (per month) – Rs. 3000
If a guy wants to give money to their parents – Rs. 8000
Telephone and internet – Rs. 1500

Even on an approximate basis, a guy would need approximately Rs. 40,000 to run his family. And, this is without any savings. Additional expenses include jewels, investment on land, guest visits, family trips, buying home appliances, etc.
So, a guy has to make more than Rs.60,000 to satisfy the expectation of most women. But, what happens when the guy loses his job? Does he defy your basic qualifications? What if he stops making money? Where is the savings? What will you do? The house will still be on due, the vehicle too. And, there will be no money to support the family. What will a girl do under such circumstances? Leave him? I don’t know. I’m puzzled.

I am not saying girls are bad. No, I am not that kind. I am a feminist myself, and I respect women who are independent, and who follow their passion. They have dreams, and no one is stopping them from having it. My concern is about most of them setting a trend. A luxurious life, a grand wedding, a big house. Doesn’t happen to every guy. I know really smart, hard-working guys, who are not making more than Rs.12,000 a month. Bitter truth.

I am not telling you to hunt for lower middle class guys and marry them. That would be ridiculous. Set your preferences to a realistic level. Look for someone who would be with you in the long run. Start a life, have fun, work hard, save a lot, and then invest in a house, or anything as a couple. Don’t make the guy bear all the burden during an age where he has things to do, dreams to fulfill, and a life to live.

Life’s all about being happy. Expecting too much will cost you more time, bring you more stress, and take your life away before you get to live your dream. Marriage is not materialistic. It’s not about properties and money. My wish is, one has to consider everything before thinking about setting unrealistic expectation.

You can read my friend’s blog post here: http://bragadeeshprasanna.com/its-kindah-funny/

Also, you can mail me your views at kart168@gmail.com

5 thoughts on “Truth I came to know when I set up my matrimonial profile”

  1. ROFL!! Just read it. Not bad at all! Perfectly neutral and acceptable analysis. I could equally point out the expectations of men range between looking for an employee or looking for a mother. In my own account, I just saw this profile a few minutes ago “I studied in Master of Management Studies in Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay and working as Chief Executive Officer in Private Limited Company in Bangalore. I am expecting that my would be to be a masters in dental science”. And another profile ” Should be able to take care of me and my family for lifetime”

    First point I’d say is, anyone who is on a matrimonial site, is someone who is currently single by choice or fate or luck. Didn’t work out in love. So, on a matri site, it is typicallly some choice among things you’d rather have. It isn’t about seeing the heart and trust and all that crap. Well, you could use it like a dating site and meet people, but at point 0, you are not expecting anyone to love you enough to be willing to care for your entire family for her entire lifetime. Or to provide for her expenses etc for an entire lifetime. We all just use it to filter out.

    Now you could argue, why filter based on income. FYI, all the guys I know through these sites are equally interested in the girls income OR WORSE, parents’ wealth. 90% of the guys , they have a housing loan to pay and want the girl to contribute. You know whats worse, their support for independent powerful women extends upto where they can contribute to their income and help them with their loan. But post kids, they want them to be at home. So anyway, its fine. Men or women, have the right to live with their expectations. I am not going to call for a social movement against this.

    Who can live with out money?You made an analysis on the cost of maintaining wife with kids. That is perhaps a very modest figure. I tried to trim it down, and its hard. You know why? That is unfortunately the cost of living for a married couple. A lot of people across the world, stay single because they can’t afford to marry. Indians are an exception. No matter what crisis, what level of income, what education or professional goals, our meals are on time, marriage has to happen on time, kids need to be churned out on time.

    Now back to the expectations front, I recall a friend saying recently , ” I am sick of going for smart witty guys or friendly guys or caring loving guys. When things go wrong, everyone is an ass. So I’d rather date a hot rich guy who is perfect in every way.” Thats kind of applicable here too. Even if you read an interesting message from a guy who seems nice, when things go up at various levels, with parents and then the more serious talk of wedding and wedding expenses, or living conditions- it sours easily.

    If of course, boils down to it clicking between two people. For those who’s parents are only looking, I dont even understand how that works. Its more like a blind date I guess. I suppose most people know how much it costs to live their own life. Or a generalized assumption that a guy from a background with xyz qualities is sure to be able to like abc attributes of your life.

    Everyone wants something different. It is only frustrating when the person you like has a different set of expectations. Else, it is pointless to analyse the ocean of varied expectations from people. It is a pointless analysis if you see at an individual level . But to think, two people’s cyber filters matching will just decide their lifetime soulmate- its hilarious and yes, a debatable topic.

    1. Thanks for your time, and your reply. And, I appreciate the effort to draft such a long comment 🙂 It more or less matches the word count of my blog post 🙂 What you’ve mentioned above is true. Things need to change, and let’s hope it does, soon.

      Kudos!!! 🙂

      1. ha haha nope. I meant whats there to change. i think it shud remain the way it is..the concept of arranged marriage is a gamble n luck anyway..u ve got to be kiddin if u went for it seeking love from a stranger at first itself . and yes it was fun to write it. 🙂

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