Several times, when someone says something that you’ve never heard of or know little about , we have the tendency to barge in saying “I’d love that too! what a coincidence!” just because we want to blend in.
Instead of being ourselves, we try to be someone else just so to feel smart, important, and nerdy. This often keeps us on the edge and puts us in a state where we’re forced to continue the lie. After a point of time, we’d completely lose track of who we are and live a fake life. (Something similar to the guy in the movie “The Lobster” who often breaks his nose to make the nose-bleeding girl fall in love with him)
How about we take an example to study this!
Not Being Yourself
Let’s say a girl tells “I love reading the Twilight series!”
Immediately you would jump in and say “Me too!” (and then run to friend to ask what is twilight? Is she referring to the movie or the book?!).
If your friend doesn’t know about “The Twilight”, then you are f***ed.
This scenario will make you look desperate.
Or, let’s imagine that you have a vague idea about Twilight. You will then succeed in establishing the fact that you both have a common interest. But, when she talks about how much she loves it, you will be silent for a minute or two nodding with a smile, trying to figure out who the hell is Bella swan (I have no idea about the story. I just wikipedia-ed it!) Or you would do something clever like “..but, I am not convinced with the ending”
If she asks “which book? First or the second?”, you’re screwed.
Giving out a wrong answer would give her a chance to judge you. If she comes to know that you know nothing about the series, that would give her a bad first impression about you.
Let’s take the same scenario and see what you might get when you accept the fact that you don’t know anything about the book.
Say you are interested in this girl and you want to be friends with her. You start talking and she tells you about the twilight series.
Instead of being a phony and saying that you’ve read it, ask her “is it such a good book! If what you’re saying is true, I would like to give it a shot!”
She might like the fact that you said the truth. Also she will say that she will bring the book the following day. If she forgets to bring the book next day, you can ask her number telling that you would remind her about the book later in the evening. Now you get a chance to talk to her.
After she gives you the book, you read it and tell your comments. She will tell you her experience with a book and it will be a good chance to get along. And you will actually be able to relate to what she says. So by being yourself, you have read the first of the five volumes of a romance fantasy novel and also gained a new friend who wants you read the rest of the four volumes.
I am just telling an example here. If the girl really talks about twilight, think twice. Because the entire series is five volumes. If you are a slow reader, it would take you forever to read all five. By the time you complete, she will be enjoying her retirement life with her family.
Another scenario is, you can simply tell that you don’t like reading books and talk to her about something else to see if you have a common ground. If not, go talk to someone else whom you feel share similar interests as you.
Don’t fake something just to be a part of something cool. Be yourself and appreciate those to accept you for being yourself.
Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else. – Judy Garland
Until next time 🙂