Why do we tolerate some people even though we hate them?

There are usually three reasons: out of love, out of respect, or because we’re indebted for something good they’ve done for us in the past.

Whatever the reason, our tolerance comes with an expiry date.

We can tolerate only up to a point. That point depends on the relationship and the magnitude of good they’ve done for us. There’s no universal standard here. It varies from person to person.

When people reach that threshold, relationships break apart. Couples get divorced, siblings stop speaking to each other, friends end up in fist fights. The list goes on.

I think at a subconscious level, we see every good deed as a transaction. It gives people permission to overstep boundaries. And when they face pushback, their immediate thought is, “They’re being so thankless. I’ve done so much for them.”

But at that moment, nobody realizes what they’ve done and how long the other person has tolerated them.

I’ve been on both sides. I felt it clearly when I was at the receiving end. But I never realized it when I was the one taking someone for granted. By the time I did, I had lost some good friends.

It’s like that uncle who helped you get your first job. He did you a favor, but now he expects you to drop everything and help him whenever he calls. Or that friend who gave you a place to stay when you were struggling, but now feels entitled to show up at your house unannounced. Good deeds slowly transform into expectations.

Here’s what I’ve learned — when you do something good for others, do it without keeping score. Because the moment you start using your kindness as leverage, you’re not just losing their respect. You’re also crossing out every good thing you’ve done for them.